"You've been dealing with this for over 10 years, and 10 years from now, I'm not going to late you hate yourself."
Last night, my mom said these words to me while trying not to cry.
The earliest memory I have of me absolutely hating myself and thinking I'm ugly is from the second grade. My teacher called my mom to let her know that I might need glasses due to my inability to read stuff on the white board from the back of the class. I cried when I heard this news. I thought to myself-"everyone is going to think I'm ugly." I was eight years old.
Fast forward eleven years later, and here I am, the unhappiest and most insecure I've been in over a year. Yes, I had the best time ever at college. Yes, I love the people I've spent my time with, but the thing I stopped loving along the way was myself. The thing is, everyone has insecurities. Everyone deals with them, and I truly find it difficult to love yourself. It's a lot easier said than done. I sympathize with you if you hate your legs or if you hate your hair or even if you hate everything about yourself.
I don't think I can count the amount of times I look at my legs or skin in the mirror and think about how inadequate I am. I don't think I can count the amount of times I look in a mirror and begin to cry. I know there are far worse things to cry about in this world, but when you are mentally sick for the majority of your life, yet try to suppress that by buying nice things and you finally realize that just doesn't work, it hits you like a truck.
I've always been candid with you guys, and it's what I like about Mode Maven. I love when people message me saying that they appreciate my honesty and that it helps them, but it is now time to get my own help. So while the help is for me, this post is for you. I always try to preach the importance of feeling beautiful to you guys. As someone who is incredibly hard on herself and hates herself, I would never wish this pain upon any of you, but I know that's not the reality. I know plenty of you deal with similar issues and refuse to seek help. I remember being 13 and refusing the help. Almost seven years later, I wish I took that help.
While I sat in my dining room alone last night with a bottle of water and closed my eyes and began to sob, my body went numb. I had never felt so awful in my entire life. I've spent the last twelve years of my life hating myself. I woke up this morning and knew I finally needed to get help. My mom is right. I can't spend the next 10 years, the rest of my life, hating myself. This morning, I've decided that I will be going to therapy.
Last night, my mom said these words to me while trying not to cry.
The earliest memory I have of me absolutely hating myself and thinking I'm ugly is from the second grade. My teacher called my mom to let her know that I might need glasses due to my inability to read stuff on the white board from the back of the class. I cried when I heard this news. I thought to myself-"everyone is going to think I'm ugly." I was eight years old.
Fast forward eleven years later, and here I am, the unhappiest and most insecure I've been in over a year. Yes, I had the best time ever at college. Yes, I love the people I've spent my time with, but the thing I stopped loving along the way was myself. The thing is, everyone has insecurities. Everyone deals with them, and I truly find it difficult to love yourself. It's a lot easier said than done. I sympathize with you if you hate your legs or if you hate your hair or even if you hate everything about yourself.
I don't think I can count the amount of times I look at my legs or skin in the mirror and think about how inadequate I am. I don't think I can count the amount of times I look in a mirror and begin to cry. I know there are far worse things to cry about in this world, but when you are mentally sick for the majority of your life, yet try to suppress that by buying nice things and you finally realize that just doesn't work, it hits you like a truck.
I've always been candid with you guys, and it's what I like about Mode Maven. I love when people message me saying that they appreciate my honesty and that it helps them, but it is now time to get my own help. So while the help is for me, this post is for you. I always try to preach the importance of feeling beautiful to you guys. As someone who is incredibly hard on herself and hates herself, I would never wish this pain upon any of you, but I know that's not the reality. I know plenty of you deal with similar issues and refuse to seek help. I remember being 13 and refusing the help. Almost seven years later, I wish I took that help.
While I sat in my dining room alone last night with a bottle of water and closed my eyes and began to sob, my body went numb. I had never felt so awful in my entire life. I've spent the last twelve years of my life hating myself. I woke up this morning and knew I finally needed to get help. My mom is right. I can't spend the next 10 years, the rest of my life, hating myself. This morning, I've decided that I will be going to therapy.